The Last Time
The trend of waking up early was never a one that made me think twice, actually, not even once – yeah, I love sleeping. Few thoughts fired in my mind as I woke up this morning. One of those thought was – What if I stand up from my bed and see that everything around me is perfect, that what if I see some other person in the same mirror – a person I so dearly want to be, that what if I open the door of my room and I find a whole together different home outside with all the people I always wanted to be around, that what if I grab my mobile to ask someone what’s happening and see a Blackberry in my hand in lieu of a simple Nokia 2323, that what if I open the doors to my gallery and instead of finding buildings all around I find gardens in kilometres distance and fountains and a mammoth parking saluting cars and just them – that what if I feel and see and hear a life I have always fantasized of.
Well, it took a little effort to realize that it was still a Saturday morning where I am still in my bed wishing for only one thing – just a cup of tea. I stared at my feet and the walls beyond it – yeah, they were still white. I saw mild sunrays spreading near the end of my bed, passing through one of my feet, extending to the opposite walls. It gave me a whim that it was still early morn. It gave me one more feeling – I had a full and an awesome day to my disposal. I freshened up and started making tea. While adding water to the tea, I was happy that at least I was back to life. A month ago I was so lost that I use to goof up in all things – small and big – like forgetting to add water while preparing tea, forgetting to get down at the right stop while returning from the office in bus, forgetting to attend the morning meetings in office and realizing later that I myself only organized that meeting and repenting for forgetting it after finding that the whole team was waiting for me, forgetting to pick my clothes from laundry for 2 days...and...The list goes on.
As I sat with a hot cup of tea on my couch, I stared at the beautiful skyline. It made me remember of a day few months back – the day I stared this skyline before leaving for office. I still remember a beautiful experience I had some four months ago. I was appointed the Communication Anchor for my team. Now I had a fear – the most important thing for me at that time was that the previous Communication Anchor and my team mate Adeel, had set such a level for me that it was almost unworkable to beat it. I had to showcase that I was good at this new task that was assigned to me. And there the day came for the first meeting I had to anchor; I entered the board room, and opened the bridgeline conference number to which all the teams in Hyderabad, Bangalore and US were to join in few minutes. Now it feels a little weird when you see 20 faces staring at you expecting you to speak sensible and all perfect, and other 11 people waiting for your voice to pop up from the phone’s speaker. I felt a little itchy in the first five minutes after the meeting started. And exactly after another five minutes there was a pause of five seconds. I found myself staring the agenda in the big projector screen in front of me. What was I thinking? Well, I was not thinking what to speak next, rather I was thinking that why am I thinking so much before thinking what to speak next and what was I fearing basically. And after that five second pause, there was no sound expect of mine for the next one hour. And as I was speaking that last sentence, “Any more questions? Or we shall call it a day!!!” I was like this was not tough. All I had to do was not to think about the worst case scenario every now and then. I just needed to be patient. As I was closing the board room’s door, my team lead said to me nice job Dude!!! I smiled and said Thanks Sir! Truly and frankly speaking, that five second pause might have meant different things to different people, or it might have meant just a disturbance in line for the people on the other side of the call, but for me it meant a lot more than just a pause. It made me realize that if this was easy then everything was easy. It made me feel that I need not fear anything, not this and anything that’s in my way for life. You just have to think about the worst case scenario only once before starting a task and for rest of the time, you just focus on the task and nothing else. If you think about the worst case scenario each and every moment while executing that task, you would never enjoy the task at hand and that feeling will never allow you to win.
A feeling of a hot cup brought me back to the moment. I still feel that we all need a moment in life when we feel low. Sometimes I feel like I want to get lost – that I wake up one morning and I don’t know where am I – away from all these dreams and chase of life. Sometimes I feel that I want to stare this skyline for ever so that I can just stare it and not care of any of the bullshit we think daily. Sometimes I feel that everyone around me is moving ahead and I am sitting watching the skyline which I enjoyed watching it a few moments back, sometimes I wish that why nobody understands me. Its then when I realize that everybody has a life and that everybody around me must have gone through the same feeling once or more. Come on, we all feel low in life some time or the other. It’s just what you think in that brief pause that matters, that can change your life.
I don’t know why but this is a time in my life where I am feeling more confident than ever. It’s all because I embraced a virtue – we all call it patience. We all will get that Forrest Gump Moment in our life one day, it’s just that we have to believe in two things – whatever that is happening now in our lives is best for us and whatever will happen will also happen for the best – that sums up to – whatever happens always happens for good. It’s just the way how you think; it all depends on how patient you are with your life. A thought triggered in my mind while I was climbing the office stairs yesterday morning – What will be the last time when I will climb this stairs, when will it be the last time I will see the same lady sitting on the reception desk, and how will it be the last time I will swipe out of my office door for the final time. And the very second moment my mind jumped “Be Patient Deep!!! Be patient!!! That time will come soon...very very soon...enjoy the process right now!!!” It’s in my wildest fantasies that one day everything will be alright...I just need to be patient in life; my time will come soon, very soon!!!
For now, I just want these 15 days to sprint as quickly as possible. I want to be home for Diwali. A year is over; last year I didn’t make it home for Diwali – am just happy that I am making it this year. It feels great to see crackers lightning the sky every night during Navaratri in Pune, just want to feel this at home, on the same porch – how about revisiting childhood? J
